Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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