I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
