Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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