in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
