Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
