So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
