you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
