I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
