so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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