just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
