Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
