As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
