It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
