I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
