1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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