i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
