I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
is it fun? or sober?
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