I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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