so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
