Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
