I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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