dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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