So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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