Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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