His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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