Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
