My room smells like vodka and shame
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
