If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
