Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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