too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
