yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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