What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
