I think I died a long time ago.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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