She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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