party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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