I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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