fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
