Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
