Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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