It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
