I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
