I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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