Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
