her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
