I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
