and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
