i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
