if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
