he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
