you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize