Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
