wrigley field is MILF paradise
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
