i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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