I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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