I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
