Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
