Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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