No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
