But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Even my vagina gasped.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
