he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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