Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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