You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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