Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
