i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I could fuck to npr.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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