How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
