I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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