I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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