There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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