she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
