Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and she was petting her beer can
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sarcasm needs its own font
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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