Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
