You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
