Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
