i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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