he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
