We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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