Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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