i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
