btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
