the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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